GIBTS News Hour
by Carmelita
Summary: They now have their own news show! It may seem like im makin fun of HP buh i love it and im not
1. Sporks, Fangirls, and Captain Planet

Carmelita: I own Harry Potter and all the makings! The movie... the book... the characters... .:keeps going on:.  
  
Spitz the Sunflower Seed: No you dont! She wishes she did but she doesnt... don't believe her!  
  
Carmelita: the playdough modeling set... the action figures... the casette tapes... YES I DO! .:JK Rowling's attorney comes on and whispers something:. WHAT??? grumbles FINE! I don't own it.  
(.: :. means an action)  
................................................................  
  
.:News music comes on Harry and Hermoine run behind desk shuffling papers:.  
  
Harry: Hello and welcome to G.I.B.T.S. News hour. I am the famous Harry Potter-- .:shows off scar and cheesy smiles:.  
  
Hermoine: .:Looks strangely at him:. ...And I'm... Hermoine Granger.. Today we ar- Wait.. What's GIBTS? I thought we agreed on Hogwarts Making History Hour. Its so much more professional.  
  
Harry: Noo! Boring! We can't have a BORING name when the star is .:cheesy smile:. Harry Potter. GIBTS is Gryffindor Is Better Than Slytherin... because .:cheesy smile:. Harry Potter is in it!  
  
Hermoine: 0o  
  
Director: .:runs on stage:. Uhh.. Harry.. Draco is outside demanding to see you..  
  
Harry: Bring him in because.. .:cheesy smile:. I am Harry Potter! .:scary echo:. Potter... Potter.. Potter..  
  
Draco: .:comes in and fan club of girls in audience swoons Draco smiles big and acts macho:. Yes.. It is me. The all mighty Draco Malfoy.  
  
.:Applause from fan girls:.  
  
Harry: Do you have a problem with our name because .:cheesy smile:. Harry Potter! Does not have a problem with it!  
  
Hermoine: Uhh... Harry this is only an hour long.. Let's move on.   
  
Director: .:yanks Draco off stage:.  
  
Draco: NOO! THIS IS NOT OVER YET POTTER!!!!  
  
.:Fangirls sigh in disappointment:.  
  
Hermoine: We'll get to Ron with the weather right after this break!  
  
:.Commercial for new purple plastic Sporks at Popeyes.:.  
  
Voldemort: I HATE WHITE SPORKS! I SHALL KILL YOU... VERY SLOWLY!!! MUHAHAHAHA points wand AVADA KEDAVA MUHAHA! ((A/N yes i know thats not the right one. i did it for a purpose))  
  
.:scary lightning fills screen:.  
  
Voldemort: HOLY DUMBLEDORE! ITS PURPLE!  
  
Narrator Guy: New Purple Sporks at Popeyes!  
  
Voldermort: They're magically purple-licious!  
  
.:Commercial Ends:.  
  
Ron: Hello and welcome to the weather segment! Well its sunny right now... but later on... .:song comes:. on It will raaaain and it will stooooorm! Oh what shall we do? What shall we doooo? .:song ends:. and then-- BLOODY HELL! We will receive a flood. Not just any flood! It will be flooding choco frogs! .:Its Raining Men music comes on:. Its flooding frogs! Alleluia! Its flooding frogs! Amen! Im gonna go out! Im gonna let myself collect.. THOUSANDS OF TONS OF CHOCO FROGS!!!! .:camera cuts off Ron:.  
  
Harry: .:looks in mirror admiring himself:.  
  
Hermoine: .:plays with pencil making it float up and down looks at camera:. Oh.. Uh.. Thank you Ron.  
  
Harry: Now to... me! .:cheesy smile:. Harry Potter with the Gossip Circle! .:puts on valley girl accent and hops on desk sitting on his legs:. Oh- My- God. Today Parvati Patil SO TOTALLY copied Lavendar Brown's hair style. One pigtail up and one down then in the cute little flipped buns. So I went up to her and I was like "Ohmigod Parvati get like your OWN hairstyle. And she's all "Omigod don't EVEN be talking. Look at your hair." And I was like "What's WRONG with my hair?? At least MINE doesn't look like a dead raccoon on top of my head!" And I like stomped off all 'cool-like' and she was like "Omigod. Did you just SEE that?" People like that so totally bug me! Oh and THEN she was all "Harry was just like youre hair is like a dead-"  
  
Hermoine: OK!!!! We get it! Not ALL girls are idiots like that! Some .:straightens up:. happen to be VERY smart. Right girls? .:looks at audience of girls:.  
  
Audience: .:Googly eyed at Harry who cheesy smiles and they all sigh:.  
  
Hermoine: ...HONESTLY! What do you see in him??  
  
Harry: Its very easy to know what they see in .:cheesy smile:. Harry Potter!  
  
Hermoine: .:rolls eyes:. Now to Dumbledore with 'What food is hot and not.' Don't ask me why we have this segment. I, myself, do not know. For I myself is... .:cheesy smiles:. Hermoine Granger!  
  
.:Crickets chirp:.  
  
Hermoine: .:frowns:.  
  
...Camera cuts to Dumbledore...  
  
Dumbledore: What is 'hot' or not, is not my decision. You must reach far inside yourself to find this answer. Connect with your inner self and find what YOU as a person thinks is ho-  
  
Director: .:grabs camera and turns it back to Harry and Hermoine:. Don't want to bore the audience now do we?  
  
Harry: .:signs autographs for fangirls:.  
  
Fan Girl 1: Omigod Harry! I love you SO much!!! I think its so brave you stood up to Voldemort and your segment was SO fetch!  
  
Fan Girl 2: If you think you're going to win his heart by saying Voldemort's name.. think again!  
  
Fan Girl 1: OMIGOD THAT WAS SO NOT COOL TO SAY! .:flings toward FG2:.  
  
.:Both fangirls wrestle for Harry who brings out a big bowl of CheezWiz:.  
  
Harry: Come on get in! This can be our Sports segment! 'Fan Girls gone Cheese'   
  
Hermoine: That was the most INCREDIBLY stupid name I've ever hea-  
  
Harry: .:cheesy smiles:.  
  
Fan Girl 3: I love it Harry! .:other fangirls agree:.  
  
Hermoine: .:sighs:. That's all the news we have time for. .:rolls eyes at Harry:.  
  
Director: Aaaand... CUT! Alright, Hermoine... Let me put this in a nice way... You're BORING! Our ratings went down soooo... You are being replaced-  
  
Hermoine: WHAT?!?!?  
  
Director:... by .:mumbles:.  
  
Hermoine: What was that?  
  
Director: ....Draco... Malfoy...  
  
Hermoine: .:outraged:. WHAT?!?!?  
  
Director: They think itll bring up the ratings... and then we can get free donuts...  
  
Hermoine: You're selling me out for donuts?!?!  
  
Director: AND PUNCH! THE GOOD KIND TOO! THE SHERBERTY KIND!  
  
Hermoine: .:stomps outraged into her dressing room comes out:. FINE! Just go ahead and laugh! I walked into the Janitor's closet!  
  
Director: It wasn't funny  
  
Harry: .:fake phony laugh:. Hahaha  
  
Fangirls: .:squealy laugh:. eheeeeheeeeheee!  
  
Director: .:walks up to camera:. Until next time San Diego!  
  
Hermoine: .:yells from backstage:. WERE IN LONDON!!!!  
  
Whole cast and fangirls: .:starts singing Captain Planet theme song:. CAPTAIN PLANET! HES OUR HERO! GONNA TAKE POLLUTION BACK DOWN TO ZERO! HES OUR POWERS MAGNIFIED AND HES FIGHTING ON THE PLANETS SIDE!  
  
Planeteers: Looting and polluting is not the way Hear what Captain Planet has to say!  
  
Captain Planet: THE POWER IS YOURS!!!!  
  
............................................  
  
I know I know not too good. Its my first funny one. Dont be too harsh on me. If I get at least one review I'll update. Sorry if its all together. Fanfic jus redid it an the formats messed up. 


	2. New Top Fangirl, Anchor, and Commercial

Thanks for the one review!!!! I'm keeping my promise!  
  
Director: Welcome Draco! This is.. well your new home!  
  
Hermoine: .:grumbles:.  
  
Director: Oh...you..beaver or squirrel or whatever you are! Get over here! Draco needs another nine bottles of gel for his hair! And hurry! We go on air in... 10 minutes!  
  
Hermoine: BEAVER?!?!? SQUIRREL!?!? I'll have you know that I am a full-fledged-  
  
Draco: Mudblood. .:smirks and snickers:.  
  
Fangirls who just happened to be there at that exact moment: .:snickers then sighs at Draco's smirk:.  
  
Harry: .:walks in:. I'm HERE!!!!  
  
Fangirls: .:applause rapidly then start a cheer:. Yaaaaaay Harry! Gooooo Harry! Yay! Yay! Yay! Go! Go! Go! HARRY!  
  
Hermoine: .:comes back with nine bottles of gel:. Here.  
  
Director: Oh! I almost forgot! You have a new job!  
  
Hermoine: What??? .:lightens up:.  
  
Director: You are our new Top Fangirl!!!! Our old one had to retire from a stampede at Durmstrang. You know, where your "boyfriend" goes. .:nudges her:.  
  
Hermoine: FANGIRL?!?! Wha-  
  
Director: No time for questions! Just worship Draco and Harry! Ready! 3...2...1...action!  
  
.:Powerpuff girls theme song comes on:.  
  
Director: .:hisses:. WRONG ONE!  
  
.:Music stops abruptly and news music comes on:.  
  
Draco: Welcome to another episode of S.I.W.B.T.G. I am your new anchor, Draco Malfoy. .:Smiles:.  
  
Fangirls: .:SIIIIGH:.  
  
Fan Girl 1: Hermoine! Get with it!  
  
Hermoine: .:says:. Gee.. Sigh. He is just so dreamy.  
  
Harry: And I am your "old but still like new" anchor, host with the most, dreamy Hollywood actor- WAIT! S.I.W.B.T.G.??? What is that??   
  
Draco: Slytherin is way better than Gryffindor. I thought you were smarter than that Potter.  
  
Harry: .:to director:. Is he allowed to do that??  
  
Director: Yeah, he boosted our ratings! Your old news! He's hot! He's new! He's... NOT YOU! HAHAHA I rhymed! .:skips off:. HEY EVERYBODY I RHYMED!  
  
Whole cast and crew: .:cheers:.  
  
Draco: Now to our new Top Fangirl. Not yours, only mine. Hermoine Mudblood GRANGER!  
  
Hermoine: Very Funny.  
  
Director: .:makes action of slitting her throat:. Be. Preppy.  
  
Hermoine: .:rolls eyes:. Like hi y'all! I am your new like Top Fangirl! Here to like... Guide you to fangirlism!!!! You want to be the top fangirl?? Well, like too bad! Its MY job! .:fangirl giggle:. Aren't like Harry and Draco HOTT today? OMIBUDDAH! I KNOW! They are like... sizzle and scorch! Back to you .:sigh:. Draco...  
  
Draco: Well be back with the weather from Weasley after this break!  
  
.:COMMERCIAL TIME!!!:.  
  
Voldemort: Do the COOOOOOOLWHIP! oh!  
  
Back Up Singers: Cool whip!  
  
Voldemort: Hey you all!  
  
B.U.S.: Do do the cool whip!  
  
Voldemort: Its driving me... ca-razy!  
  
B.U.S.: COOL WHIP!  
  
Narrator: Now with new strawberry flavour!  
  
.:End Commercial:.  
  
Ron: .:Monotonously:. I was forbidden to sing anymore. Here is your weather forecast. 89 degrees at high noon. Low of 45 tonight. 47 tomorrow morning. Oh, ouch for that Quidditch match. Back to you Harry and Draco.  
  
Draco: ITS DRACO AND HARRY!  
  
Harry: No, no. I think he has it right.  
  
Draco: .:eyes flash maliciously and fangirls squeal:. Oh really? .:pulls out wand:.  
  
Harry: .:raises voice:. YEAH! .:pulls out HIS wand:.  
  
Draco: AVADA KE-  
  
Director: .:runs out:. STOOOOOOOOO- .:stops in front of them:. OOOOOO- .:20 minutes later:. OOOOOOOP!  
  
Harry and Draco: WHAT?!?!  
  
Director: THE RATINGS HAVE BOOSTED! MAKE THEM WAIT TILL NEXT WEEK TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS!   
  
.: Captain Planet theme song comes on:.  
  
Planeteers: Looting and polluting is not the way Hear what Captain Planet has to say!  
  
Captain Planet: THE POWER IS YOURS!  
  
Harry: .:runs into the scene:. AND DON'T LET DRACO BE YOUR SIDEKICK BECAUSE HE'LL STEAL ALL THE GLORY!  
  
Draco: SIDEKICK?!?! I MAKE THE SHOW! WITHOUT ME IT WOULD BE... PATHETIC! A WHOLE "OH POOR ME" HARRY POTTER HOUR!  
  
Fangirls: .:GASP!!!!:.  
  
Director: .:turns camera away:. Until next time! .:hums the My Little Pony theme song:. 


End file.
